FINALly over

So finals are over. This semester’s over, and now I’ll be tied up by work for 2 weeks, before I’m really free.

Anyway, it feels different, once again. I feel like I just woke up from a dream, (technically, I just did). Can I say I’m not ready? I really want to. But I know that isn’t the solution. Maybe a few days of vacation might put my mind to ease, but I know it’s a temporary fix.

IDK, I can’t pinpoint what my problem is this time accurately. I never felt like this before, like this sense of meaningless, and even loneliness. Urgh, typing that out in a public blog (although I didn’t really tell anybody about this blog) feels vulnerable. That’s how insecure I am HAHA. In a way, I am kind of thankful I’ve been blessed for the past 21 years of my life, but in a way I also hate that I’m not well-equipped enough to handle this.

Yet, in the past month, I am proud of what I’ve done. Not academically, not socially, but in the form of self-care. And I’m excited (ok not really) for what’s to come! Making baby steps I thought I’d never take. Then again, I realise, those steps are usually the ones paving the way for me. I can’t remember shit in my earlier childhood, but I know it did, in 2011, 2013, 2014, 2016 and now.

The war isn’t over, but like what Rachel Platten would say, “I’ve still got a lot fight left in me”.

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